Cooked

You know when you look at it the word "cooked" looks really strange.  Kinda like the word "enough"..
So I cooked last night and enjoyed it.  A lovely simple curry ala Trader Joe's and it tasted really nice.  Mike liked it and complimented it.

On the whole lately, I have been very lackadaisical about cooking more than basic prepatory or simple easy meals.  I depend on Mike to grill and cook and he embraces it and seems to enjoy it although sometimes I realize that he's doing it because if he doesn't, there will just be soup and sandwiches or frozen something which is fine for me most of the time.  I am very grateful for his cooking.  I like being cooked for and my mom was a great cook and I have had a complex relationship with food since childhood.

I have been overweight since puberty and it has always required great focus to lose weight and I generally find it almost impossible to keep it off.

My birthday is in a month, right before Thanksgiving and two weeks ago I set a goal to lose 10 lbs by my birthday.  Last year at this time, I was about 15 lbs lighter than now, having lost 35 lbs slowly over time.  It's been a stressful year with moving and I lost my focus and gained 15 lbs in about 3 months.

I think I've lost 1 or maybe 2 lbs in the last two weeks and will weigh again tomorrow but I have been up and down in my eating and have lacked consistency.  Today, 10 lbs seems like too much to expect in a month so I am affirming that I will continue being focused and pay attention to my food and body and eating.

One of the things that I've noticed this last week is how I eat...I eat on the run, voraciously, wolfing the food down and not savoring or enjoying it fully most of the time.  In other areas of my life, I am slowing down and being more present and realized that I am ready to start doing the same with eating.  I am sure there will be lots to learn and discover.

I started to write about my childhood experiences with my mom, food, cooking, my weight and more and it just is too much for now.

I am simply going to be more mindful, pay attention to what I'm eating, and cook more because food tastes better.